Feeding Your Roots And Your Heart

Be patient as I share a recent experience with you, because it led to one of life’s amazing coincidences – as always the universe provided me with an amazing and insightful solution to a dilemma I faced and a quest I started earlier last year.

I have a confession to make…I try to write poetry. In 2005 I wrote the following piece:

TORN

Britain, my birth country

Part of my DNA

My roots are here

But not my heart

Africa, you fostered me

Nurtured me

My heart is here

It beats to your rhythms

I am incomplete always…

All ways.

In the months after writing this poem I began writing a number of articles on the 'Get Connected' theme. I never consciously made the connection between the poetry and the articles. Then the universe intervened...

Last year I went on a fabulous nostalgic holiday in South Africa and Zimbabwe. Although I was born in the UK, I grew up in Zimbabwe and my return after twenty years was a very emotional one. We had a fabulous guide called Pius, who looked after us during our stay at Victoria Falls. He is a member of the Cindebele tribe from the Bulawayo area, where I lived for a number of years in the 1970’s. One evening we were chatting, and I remarked that being born in one country and growing up in another led to a sense of never being complete in either place. Pius told me that in Cindebele culture a person’s roots would always belong in the place where their umbilical cord was buried but that their hearts would choose their places of belonging. ‘The wise person’ he said, ‘learns to feed both the roots and the heart for without either they must die.’

For a couple of seconds it felt as if the world fell silent to allow Pius’ words to seep into my consciousness. I realised that the universe had just presented me with a challenge – to find ways to feed my roots and my heart.

Ever since this conversation, my head has been bursting with exciting ideas - one of which is to run a ‘Get Connected’ event in Africa. I plan to run an ‘ Africa Connects Seminour’ – a combination tour, retreat and seminar. I love Africa, and would enjoy taking others to the places that feed my heart and soul and guiding them to reconnect with the things that feed their roots and hearts.

For those of you who have dreamt of visiting Africa, make a plan to do it this year and block out the period from the 6^th – 14^th May in your diaries. Then take a look at the teleseminars and events page on this website.

Loyalty

Loyalty is one of those word that sounds old-fashioned and rather passé, but nothing could be further from the truth. Loyalty encompasses truthfulness, faithfulness and integrity, values that are as relevant today as they were in the past.

Perhaps the reason we don't hear very much about it is because we're not entirely certain we really aspire to it, or don't want to be held accountable for disloyalty?

Loyalty is an unswerving allegiance, faithfulness and fidelity to a commitment, person, nation, organisation or a cause. It provides the gold standard for relationship excellence. It's steadfast in good times and tested in bad.

Loyalty is found in what you do and what you say. It is willingly given, with a person's whole heart and soul. Loyal people are faithful to their word, and demonstrate this in action, service, and sometimes through sacrifice.

Where do your loyalties lie? How do you demonstrate your loyalty? Is that demonstration consistent in both good times and bad?

The absence of fidelity, loss of reputation, lack of trust, cynicism, loss of peace of mind and self-worth are the terrible consequences of disloyalty. Ask yourself: "What would it cost if I choose to be disloyal?" The answer is: your integrity, your ability to be authentic. It's not only what you take away from the other party, but also what you steal from yourself when you choose not to be loyal.

Without loyalty we lack a moral centre in our lives. Loyalty is a universal good, which binds people to a moral order and to one another. Hence, a conflict of loyalties is disastrous. It is like a civil war waging in our souls.

Loyalty, like trust, is a two way street – you have to give it to get it. We know instinctively that healthy relationships are built upon both a conscious and unconscious commitment to loyalty. It's an organic ingredient of healthy human chemistry. Think of your abiding friendships and most intimate relationships – aren't faithfulness and loyalty essential?

If friends and family meet in times of comfort and prosperity but leave when hardship and difficulty strike, it is clear that their friendship and love are not true. It is not fair, right, nor admirable to benefit from someone's company in good times but abandon them in times of hardship.

Remaining true to our deepest commitments is life-long work for us individually, as it is for every organisation of which we're a part. Yet, loyalty often takes a back seat to the less noble virtues of convenience, profit, expediency and self-interest. As for us individually, this fickle loyalty to our highest purposes is one of our greatest vulnerabilities.

Loyalty is a word that should remind all of us to honour our commitments to others and to ourselves. It is the rudder of life, giving it meaning and direction. Without a robust commitment to loyalty our lives and credibility are greatly diminished.

Our society is increasingly becoming characterised by unfaithfulness and disloyalty. We need to demonstrate greater strength, loyalty, and cohesiveness in our relationships to others and ourselves.

As a virtue, loyalty is sometimes complex and elusive. Its complexity is due to the fact that the value of loyalty depends both on the constancy of one's commitment to something or someone, and to some extent on the value of that to which one is faithful.

Chicken meets egg. Is it that people are disloyal? Or is it that people don't engender loyalty? The answer to both is yes. We need to give serious consideration to how can we both demonstrate greater loyalty while earning the loyalty of others. This is a question for every business and individual to ponder.

Loyalty is also elusive in our rapidly changing culture, and in the unfolding of our lives as well. Our alliances and allegiances change over time, sometime because of their nature or ours, but not always or only because we lack the virtue of loyalty.

We all become weakened by defections among customers, employers, employees, friends and family. If the primary objective of any relationship is trust creation, then we must never betray nor neglect the virtue of loyalty as trust builds loyalty and loyalty builds even greater trust. Each of us has to choose – either loyalty or hypocrisy - there is no middle ground.

What A MARS Bar Taught Me About Goal Setting

My brother is crazy about MARS bars – actually one of the things that I find most annoying about him is that he eats 1 or 2 a day and remains as thin as a greyhound, I’ll probably put on 10 pounds just writing about a MARS bar! But I digress...

You have probably guessed by now that I am a big fan of setting goals and writing them down. As a speaker, trainer and coach I spend a great deal of time talking to people about the importance of goal setting and have often used the SMART mnemonic to remind myself and others of the qualities of effective goals:

S = Specific
M = Measurable
A = Achievable
R = Recorded
T = Timebound

At a recent leadership development workshop I discussed with the delegates the how to’s of holding a goal setting meeting with a team member. We had gone through all the SMART qualities and then I said, ‘Don’t forget the motivational aspects of goal setting.’ This lead to a discussion about what makes a goal motivational, particularly in a work setting where goals are often driven by organisational needs rather than individual needs.

Motivation is key to goal accomplishment. Your motivation is the answer to why. Why do you want to achieve this goal? As I explained to the delegates, it’s the answer to WIIFM – What’s In It For Me’?

Remember W I I F M? It’s the smallest radio station in the world but the one with the most powerful signal.

How do you and your team members benefit by achieving work goals? What’s in it for you and them? Why should they invest time, energy and effort into accomplishing organisational goals? (By the way, if you don’t know much about motivating your people, get on a course ASAP and find out – don’t fall into the trap of thinking that money is the key, it’s not!)

Our motivation drives us to take action. Action is another key to goal achievement. Having goals, even when written down, is not enough. You must take action – big and small actions – if you are to achieve success.

Your goals also have to be relevant for who you are. What is the relevance of your goals to you? What is the relevance of work goals to your team members? When you understand the relevance of your goals you are able to make far better choices and decisions. You will choose and decide on those things that drive your goals forward. You will also more easily identify opportunities for driving your goals forward when you’re clear about their relevance to you.

So there you have it Motivation, Action and Relevance = Success. Or MARS for short. Now you also know what a MARS bar can teach you about goal setting.

Pick up a copy of my workbook Greatest Year, New Pathways and learn how to develop inspiring life and career goals and action plans for the twelve months ahead and every year of your life thereafter.

The Biggest Obstacle To Your Success

Before you read this article, take a minute and quickly jot down the things that you believe are barriers to success.

My brother recently started his own business, The Handy Man. He has been talking about it for years but always felt he had a good reason for not starting up. He ran through the list of usual reasons that many of us use and that prevent us from catching our dreams: I need more money, I need to do more research into the market, I might fail. This last reason is a classic response and really means, “I’m scared to give up the security of my existing job. Sure it’s boring and mundane, even soul destroying at times, but hey, it pays the rent!”

I always responded to his fear of failure/need for security by asking, “What price your soul?” (Not very empathetic but I am his big sister after all. Big sisters are always bossy – but in a very loving way.)

Before I launched into my first business in South Africa I attended a ‘How to start a business’ course at the local university. I always remember how we all raised the ‘What do we do if we fail?’ issue with the lecturer. He said that this was an interesting question that everybody posed when starting up their own businesses but what he found even more interesting was that very few people considered what they would do if their businesses were to succeed. He asked us, ‘How would you cope if you’re business was to suddenly take off in a big way, beyond your expectations?’ A stunned silence was the response he drew. He then went on to explain that a lack of consideration to managing success was very often a cause for failure in start up businesses.

I believe that the single biggest obstacle to your success and happiness is your limiting thoughts. Let me explain…

How much of your potential are you fulfilling? Can you honestly say you've claimed and achieved anywhere near your full potential? NO?

Have you ever wondered why that is so? Why some doubt still lurks in the deep recesses of your mind -- in spite of the fact that you are COMMITTED to making your life (or business) totally successful and satisfying?

Scientific studies have shown that negative thoughts have a tremendous limiting impact on peoples’ lives. They most certainly do damage your ability to achieve your goals!

You are not limited to the life you now live. You have accepted it as the best you can do at this moment. Any time you're ready to go beyond the current limitations in your life, you're capable of doing that by choosing different thoughts.

You can set goals until you're blue in the face but in the end it's your thoughts and beliefs that determine what you will (or will not) actually achieve. We each earn the income we do today because that is the amount we have limited ourselves to earn. We could easily earn 5, 10, or 20 times more if we did not limit ourselves through the thoughts we maintain. You don't believe that's true? Surely you know people who earn much more than you who don't have your education, or your skills, or your intelligence, or your talent. So why do they earn more than you?

I love the story of George Dantzig that Cynthia Kersey wrote about in Unstoppable. As a college student, George studied very hard and always late into the night. So late that he overslept one morning, arriving 20 minutes late for class. He quickly copied the two maths problems on the board, assuming they were the homework assignment. It took him several days to work through the two problems, but finally he had a breakthrough and dropped the homework on the professor's desk the next day.

Later, on a Sunday morning, his excited professor awakened George at 6 a.m. Since George was late for class, he hadn't heard the professor announce that the two equations on the board were unsolvable mathematical mind teasers that even Einstein hadn't been able to answer. But George Dantzig, working without any thoughts of limitation, had solved not one, but two problems that had stumped mathematicians for thousands of years.

Simply put, George solved the problems because he didn't know he couldn't – he didn’t have any limiting thoughts about them or his ability to solve them.

Most of your limiting thoughts are based on childhood ‘programming’. Many of us followed career paths that our parents directed us towards because they believed they offered security. A large number of our values and beliefs are inherited from our parents and other parent figures in our young lives. My parents never had the opportunity to go to university, nor would they ever have considered starting up their own businesses, much too risky! Our parents’ strongest desire is to keep us safe and many of our limiting thoughts derive from this need. Unfortunately this desire frequently keeps us safe but small and we never fully live or achieve our potential.

From my personal experience I have found that anytime I have overcome my limiting thoughts, and decided to take a risk and change my life, the universe sends all kinds of help my way. People who can help and advise me, magazine and newspaper articles that direct me towards the resources I need, etc.

Bob Proctor tells us to "keep reminding yourself that you have tremendous reservoirs of potential within you, and therefore you are quite capable of doing anything you set your mind to. All you must do is figure out how you can do it, not whether or not you can. And once you have made your mind up to do it, it's amazing how your mind begins to figure out how."

Many years ago I read about one of the great Spanish bullfighters who had this to say about life: "To face a bull when you know you'll win is nothing. BUT ... to face a bull when you know you're taking a chance ... now THAT is something! That is putting a lion in your heart!"

How about installing a lion in YOUR heart ... and unleashing your true natural genius, incredible creativity, unstoppable self confidence, focused drive ... and a whole new level of passion! Start to manage your limiting thoughts and put a lion in your heart today.

Now that's worth thinking about!

Strengthen Your Business With One Word

This article appeared in Bob Cialdini’s monthly newsletter Inside Influence and I thought you might find it interesting. It was written by: Noah Goldstein

Imagine that you are in line to use the photocopier. As you start to use the copier, a stranger approaches and asks, "May I use the Xerox machine?" What is the likelihood that you would comply? Ellen Langer and colleagues conducted a study using this procedure, and found that roughly 60 percent of those approached in this way agreed to allow the stranger to use the copier. However, when the stranger added a single word, more than 90 percent of those approached responded in the affirmative. What was this one word, and what can it do for you business?

The simple word was because. When the stranger followed her question with a reason (e.g., “May I use the Xerox machine, because I’m in a rush”), 94 percent complied. This kind of boost may not seem very surprising. After all, providing a solid reason for the request justifies her asking to jump ahead. Yet, the stranger attained the same elevated compliance rate even when the reason was completely meaningless and tautological in nature (e.g., “May I use the Xerox machine, because I have to make copies?”)

The Langer study demonstrates the unique motivational power of the word because. But what can the word because do for you business? Long-term customers of yours may have gotten used to working with your firm over the years, and with each passing year, the actual reasons for sticking with your company may have become less salient, or even worse, entirely forgotten. Consequently, your business can be left vulnerable to competitors.

How can you strengthen your business ties and your clients’ confidence in your company? One effective way to do it is to have the decision makers at your clients’ firm generate reasons for using your business. This could be accomplished through formal or informal feedback surveys, in which the clients are asked to describe the reasons why they like doing business with your company. Research by Gregory Maio and colleagues suggests that this procedure will strengthen your clients’ commitment to your firm by making it salient to the clients that the continued business relationship is rational rather than simply habitual.

As a final example of the power of because, consider the kind of reputation the Wizard of Oz garnered with songs like this:

We’re off to see the Wizard
The wonderful Wizard of Oz
Because because because because!
Because of the wonderful things he does.

The lesson? Get your clients to say because, and in no time, they’ll be singing your praises, too.

Subject Line Messages

I read this tip on an on-line forum and was so impressed with the beautiful simplicity of it that I decided to share it with everyone I know. Unfortunately I didn’t record the details of this forum so apologies to the author – if he or she is reading this please let me know who you are so I can publicly acknowledge your wisdom.

How often do you send colleagues or friends short, one-line email messages? Something along the lines of: "Staff meeting in my office at 3:00 today" or "Great job on the proposal, go ahead and send it."

Here's a trick for saving them some time when they receive it:

Place your entire message in the Subject line of the note and follow it with "- eom" like this: "Staff meeting in my office at 3:00 today - eom" or "Great job on the proposal, go ahead and send it - eom".

The acronym "eom" stands for "end of message." When a message like this shows up in your recipient's inbox, they'll see "- eom" in the subject line and know they don't need to waste time opening it. The entire content of the message is right there in the Subject line.

N.B. You will need to explain this time-saver to your audience, at least the first time, in case they don't know what "eom" means.

A Bit Of Fun

A little something to lighten your day...

I love the Muppets! Do you remember their mahna mahna song? A friend sent me this link a little while ago COLLEGESLACKERS.COM - Mahna Mahna – I was transported back in time as I watched it and had a smile on my face for the rest of the day.

A word of caution – this song stays in your head, you find yourself humming it all day long. Enjoy!